Torment
by Eleanor
Summary: This is a fic about Hermione and Ron. A choice Ron makes that changes him...forever.
1. Hermione's revelation

Hermione:

Hermione:

Why can't he understand? I've tried dropping hints, telling him how I feel, but he's completely oblivious. After all that stuff with Victor last year I thought that he finally understood, butboy was I wrong. He thinks I don't hear those catty comments of his, about me, about Harry. I mean we're his friends, but its all about him, what he needs what he wants. 

I suppose I can understand that, I mean he always has been overshadowed, having5 brothers all older can't be easy, when they all have something special about them: Bill; cool but clever, Charlie: dangerous but fun, Percy: one of the most rule-abiding students ever, George and Fred, twins and pranksters. What has Ron got to offer that's so special? Even Ginny isn't like him, she's special too: the only girl. 

Why can't he understand that he doesn't need others to see him as special, I already do, and what has he ever done for me? All we ever seem to do is fight, argue, misunderstand each other. This year I realised why, and I'm not the only one, Harry sees it too, I'm sure of it and Ginny's far from blind. Its just him, unaware as ever. 

And now, there isn't a chance, because the fights have got worse and now its not just me. He's fighting with Harry, Ginny, Fred George, anyone who's up for it. He's full of anger, of pain, he can't let it go. Ever since the return of Voldemort he's been different. And he's not the one I'd expect it from. It should be Harry, but he's the same-old-same-old, the one constant in this weird world of mine. Okay, he's a bit quieter sometimes, a bit darker almost, but now more than ever he's looking on the bright side. 

Ron hasn't looked on the bright side for a long time now, I doubt he even remembers how to smile. I haven't seen him smile since before the third task. Occasionally he stretches his mouth feebly, flashes some teeth, but its expressionless, empty. There's no emotion there, and that's scary. I remember when he first arrived at Hogwarts, ready for a laugh and a joke, ready for adventure. Perhaps in retrospect, too ready, because the amount of adventures he's had are probably more than most of the student body combined. Now when I look at him I can hardly see him, yes there's his body the same stature and build, the same hair: typical Weasley. But Ron? I can't see him at all, its as if he's way in the distance and I haven't got my glasses. Sometimes when I look into his eyes I pretend he's still there, but I know its just pretend. This year he's changed so much. Drifted away from his friends, family, from the whole of Gryffindor if truth be told.

Now there's a new dream-team in town, a new double-act, no longer Harry and Ron, with little old me tagging along. Now its Ron and Draco. The best friends this school has ever seen. When I see them laughing joking in the hall, its all I can do not to cry out, to run after him, hug him, fill him full of the love he is empty of. Tear him away from Draco, the draining force. 

In my dreams I reach out for him, he's always just too far way and I wake, weeping silently. I've stopped telling Harry about the dreams, I know he has his own premonitions to deal with. But a month ago I had another dream, this one was different, I reached out for him, to the real Ron, the happy, cheery Ron, full of love, laugher and free of pain and emptiness. And fear. He turns to me for help, reassurance and I reach out ready to give all that he needs. Then he turns and I see him from another angle, I see his left arm, near the shoulder and I cry out for I've never seen that before, never in real-life or in dreams, but I know of course, through books, and Harryhas kept me informed. 

It was then that I knew why he has distanced himself from us, we were no longer needed, he had a new "gang" multi-national. They pull him in now, when I reach out in the dreams I can see them all, their black hooded uniforms clearly visible, they pull him in, to do their bidding. And I am helpless to do anything about it. 

Because he has chosen, us or them. And he made his choice. He decided on the Dark Mark. 

I have to face facts, Ron no longer belongs to us. He is theirs, forevermore.


	2. The invisible Ron

Ron's Torment

Ron's Torment

They think I don't see them, looking at me, but not really seeing me, who I really am, now at least. They only imagine what I am, for they haven't truly seen me, now. They see through me, they see past me. They fall back on definitions found in precious library books. Wonder where it all went wrong. Wondering where I went wrong.

Sometimes I sneak down to the Gryffindor common room when they think I am asleep. To see what they are doing, saying, thinking, whilst I revel in my new role of spy. They can't see me anyway, not with my new invisibility cloak, care of Mr Malfoy, my newest benefactor. I couldn't do it any other way now, observe, I mean. When I walk into the room, everyone looks at me, with a mix of emotions, some think: "The boy who went bad" others "Come back to the good side all is forgiven." But I know that their thoughts aren't me, not who I really am. They don't look hard enough. They never did.

From the moment I was born I was nothing special, no-one important. "Another of the Weasley boys". Sometimes I wish I was a girl, in fact I know that was what was planned, a girl to complete the family, instead they got me, Ron.The epitome of average. Bright enough but not too clever, friendly enough but not too popular, brave enough but not too daring. Good old reliable Ron. But that's where they went wrong.

I know I've hurt them; my family, Gryffindor, Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione. Hermione especially. She has taken it the worst, and she doesn't even know the whole truth. I thought it would have been Harry, but he is quietly accepting, I'm just another in the long line of failures and disappointments he's had during his short life. I'm truly sorry to have been on that list. And the worse thing is, I can't tell them, can't help them to understand. They have to go on, not knowing, thinking I've let them down, betrayed myself, my family. Especially now when I could do with their help, support, encouragement, I get nothing. Not even a friendly glance in my direction. Not that I blame them.

Like so many people have said to me this year, It was my choice, my decision, and I made it, now there is no turning back. For, as everyfollower knows, even death is not an escape.


	3. Harry's interpretation

Harry:

**Harry:**

I wonder if he realises the pain he has caused, is causing. I wonder if he cares. Sometimes I think no, of course not, not now. Other times, I look up, to see him looking at me, at Hermione, less than a split-second before he turns away, but I can read him perfectly. When you have been best friends with someone for 4 years then you learn them, their facial expression, their body language, the minutiae of their every movement, tone, expression. Just like I knew him, I knew that look, it said I-take-it-all-back,-I-was-wrong,-I'm-sorry, then he turns and within another split second he has composed himself, his new self, at least. 

Then I begin to wonder whether things will ever change, get back to normal, whatever that is,but he and I both know that isn't possible. 

I doubt he knows what he has got himself involved in, the commitment involved. Mind you I've underestimated Ron before, perhaps if I hadn't it never would have happened. If we had only not taken him for granted so much. 

I know I need to deal with it, Ron's betrayal I mean, get over it, move on. Like all those tacky lyrics from even tackier songs dealing with break-ups and other teenage problems. If it was just another break up I could deal with it, in time. But its not, normal, and its not as if every other teen has gone through what I'm going through. Only me and Hermione know. How could anyone else know, feel, the pain of being betrayed to the dark side.

Of course its different for her, being, well in love with Ron, she thinks I don't know. As if I couldn't have endured all their petty fights, banter really forthe last year or so, without realising what it was all really about. The Yule Ball was especially helpful at reaffirming my suspicions. 

I can't imagine what its like for her, now, knowing they could have had it all, and then having that chance swept away, by the one person that no one would have suspected. Nevertheless we muddle through, me and Hermione. Its not the same as when Ron was around, but life goes on. It must if we have any chance of winning him back, reminding him of his true self. Before its too late.


	4. Another normal day at Hogwarts for Ron?

Ron:

**Ron:**

I still remember that day, the day I was 'called'. A normal day, just like any other. Or so I thought. Just laughing and joking with Harry and Hermione. We were discussing Fred and George's current experiment 'Cackle Coconut Capers' with me and Hermione bantering away as ever, while Harry tried to copy Hermione's Potions homework.

A regular day at Hogwarts, then Dumbledore made his announcement:

"As you may know we've been having some problems with the dungeons. Yet another warning for the more persevering amongst you : anybody caught throwing Dungbombs in any of the lower classrooms will be severely punished."

Everyone at the Gryffindor table laughed together, the weekly assault on the potions classroom had become a fourth year tradition. It was also the most excitement any of us had had all year, but that was fine by me. Last year was enough to put any one off adventures for a long time.

Once more Dumbledore spoke; "Could Ron Weasley come to my office immediately after breakfast, thank you"

I choked on my orange juice. Why would Dumbledore want to see me?

"Whatever have you done now, Ron?" asked Hermione exasperated.

"I dunno" I replied, clueless as always. "I'll have to go and see I suppose. Hey! I might miss Potions!" That had got to be worth a meeting with Dumbledore.

"Lucky git!" said Harry, "Snape's gonna have me for not doing this work" He was still frantically scribbling away, although his writing had stopped being comprehensible about ten minutes ago. " And Dumbledore's office is certainly worth a look, any day."

"Oh No!" Shrieked Hermione "We'd better get going or we'll be late." She hurried out of the hall, pulling Harry, who was still feverishly writing, behind her.

"Bye then." I shouted after their retreating backs.

"Good luck Ron." Harry yelled back

"Ditto."

I climbed the stairs to Dumbledore's office wondering as Hermione had done, what had I done now? There had been no howlers from Mum recently, so it couldn't be too bad. I'd had a few detentions, but no more than normal, perhaps even less than usual, if it wasn't for Snape I wouldn't have had any. 

I got to the Stone Gargoyle, then realised I was stuck. I had no idea what the password was. I began talking to myself under my breath, "What am I gonna do now?" then louder, exasperated"I haven't even done anything wrong!" At that the door swung open. "Huh" I muttered.


End file.
